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Dwelling on Negative Events
One of the most reliable means of detecting unforgiveness is when a person dwells on negative events; both past and present. Unforgiving persons will replay the negative events over and over in their minds, and refuse to submit them to the Lord per His command. Sometimes the unforgiving person will tell other people about these events, and sometimes they will not. Some refuse to say anything, and some cannot stop talking about it. I believe it good to talk over things for the sake of counseling. However, I believe it bad for them to be discussed frequently in ordinary conversations since then it is nothing more than gossip.

Bitterness
Unforgiving persons are often bitter persons. Family relationships seem to be the hardest for them to cope with. Friends not connected to the family, oddly enough, seem to escape the wrath of the unforgiving person, whereas family members must endure the scowls, silent treatments, insults, thrown objects and yelling. Unforgiving persons, who happen to attend church, treat some church members as badly as they would their immediate family. This is the reason some unforgiving persons refuse to attend church at all.

Depression
A relationship not right with God is depressing. We cannot expect to be blessed when we are out from under God's hands of protection due to our refusal to forgive someone else. Unforgiving persons cannot have a right relationship with the Lord until they repent and forgive. Therefore, many of God's blessings are not given them, and protection against the devil is no longer guaranteed the unforgiving person.

Self-Harm
Every cutter and burner I have met, admitted to me that they refuse to forgive someone. Some have told me they use self-injury as a coping mechanism. I do not fully understand this, and wonder if I ever will. Even though I may not understand, I have come to recognize this as a sign of unforgiveness and I then investigate who it was that originally hurt them, and when.

Self-Seclusion
Eventually, the unforgiving person tends to withdraw from having contact with other human beings. There comes a time when it's simply too much to deal with. The unforgiving person can reach a point to where they will not risk being hurt by anyone else ever again. The issues build up, unless something is released. I've noticed that some who seclude themselves engage in "throw-away" relationships via the Internet. This way, as soon as some new Internet friend hurts their feelings, they can send an exhaustive email explaining how they felt the other person hurt them, and then block their ex-friends' emails or instant messages.

Inability to Recognize God's Presence
Satan can use unforgiveness to form a barrier between the person and the Lord. How can this be? It's simple. God cannot forgive those who refuse to forgive someone else. Unforgiven sin separates us from God. It must be the willful volition of the unforgiving person to forgive. It must become their desire to submit their life to God's Will and love Him more so than obtaining revenge, or any other form of compensation. I advise people to report the crimes against them, so that the matter of justice leaves their hands and is transferred to law enforcement and the judicial system, and ultimately to God. God is just and holy. He punishes sin. If the person refuses to hand the matter over to the authorities, they must forgive nonetheless. Nobody is exempt from God's command to forgive, no matter the circumstances. The difference is that justice no longer becomes a personal thing, but rather something belonging to God. Instead of our wanting justice our way, we should trust God's power and perfect planning to deal with the matter justly, His Way. This literally frees us to think about other things, such as God's love, grace, mercy and His forgiveness of our own personal sins we committed against Him.

Attention Seeking
Some people use past and present unforgiven events to obtain the attention of other people. Have you ever heard the old saying "It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease"? Some people have learned that this is true. They squeak! For some reason, and I do not understand why this is either, some unforgiving persons refuse to forgive because they can still use whatever the offense was to obtain the sympathy and attention they crave. To forgive would be to let go of their victim status. Some might fear that nobody will listen to them anymore. When we forgive people, because we have chosen to follow Jesus, we are not victims anymore, but rather we are made more than conquerors in Christ. Attention must be shifted from what happened, and then be given to God in submission to His Divine Will for our lives. Pride must be done away with, so that the unforgiving person will humbly admit they are sinful, too. I believe God's heart is broken whenever someone is abused, but I also believe that His heart is broken all the more whenever we reject what His Son, Jesus Christ, did on the cross to purchase our forgiveness.

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