Dwelling
on Negative Events
One of the most reliable means of detecting unforgiveness
is when a person dwells on negative events; both
past and present. Unforgiving persons will replay
the negative events over and over in their minds,
and refuse to submit them to the Lord per His
command. Sometimes the unforgiving person will
tell other people about these events, and sometimes
they will not. Some refuse to say anything, and
some cannot stop talking about it. I believe it
good to talk over things for the sake of counseling.
However, I believe it bad for them to be discussed
frequently in ordinary conversations since then
it is nothing more than gossip.
Mental
torment or mental illness is linked to unofrgiveness.
Negative
Images
You will have negative images of the person that
hurt you and these images will keep you awake
at night!
You
Will Be Pinged!
If the person that hurt you enters the room or
someone mentions their name, you feel feelings
of being pinged, your heart hurts like a broken
heart, you get angry, you want to run or hide
when the enter the room, start telling someone
what they did to you - going into accusation or
gossip about that person or you just do not want
to hear that name, then you have unforgiveness.
Bitterness
Unforgiving persons are often bitter persons.
Family relationships seem to be the hardest for
them to cope with. Friends not connected to the
family, oddly enough, seem to escape the wrath
of the unforgiving person, whereas family members
must endure the scowls, silent treatments, insults,
thrown objects and yelling. Unforgiving persons,
who happen to attend church, treat some church
members as badly as they would their immediate
family. This is the reason some unforgiving persons
refuse to attend church at all.
Depression
A relationship not right with God is depressing.
We cannot expect to be blessed when we are out
from under God's hands of protection due to our
refusal to forgive someone else. Unforgiving persons
cannot have a right relationship with the Lord
until they repent and forgive. Therefore, many
of God's blessings are not given them, and protection
against the devil is no longer guaranteed the
unforgiving person.
Self-Harm
Every cutter and burner I have met, admitted to
me that they refuse to forgive someone. Some have
told me they use self-injury as a coping mechanism.
I do not fully understand this, and wonder if
I ever will. Even though I may not understand,
I have come to recognize this as a sign of unforgiveness
and I then investigate who it was that originally
hurt them, and when.
Self-Seclusion
Eventually, the unforgiving person tends to withdraw
from having contact with other human beings. There
comes a time when it's simply too much to deal
with. The unforgiving person can reach a point
to where they will not risk being hurt by anyone
else ever again. The issues build up, unless something
is released. I've noticed that some who seclude
themselves engage in "throw-away" relationships
via the Internet. This way, as soon as some new
Internet friend hurts their feelings, they can
send an exhaustive email explaining how they felt
the other person hurt them, and then block their
ex-friends' emails or instant messages.
Inability
to Recognize God's Presence
Satan can use unforgiveness to form a barrier
between the person and the Lord. How can this
be? It's simple. God cannot forgive those who
refuse to forgive someone else. Unforgiven sin
separates us from God. It must be the willful
volition of the unforgiving person to forgive.
It must become their desire to submit their life
to God's Will and love Him more so than obtaining
revenge, or any other form of compensation. I
advise people to report the crimes against them,
so that the matter of justice leaves their hands
and is transferred to law enforcement and the
judicial system, and ultimately to God. God is
just and holy. He punishes sin. If the person
refuses to hand the matter over to the authorities,
they must forgive nonetheless. Nobody is exempt
from God's command to forgive, no matter the circumstances.
The difference is that justice no longer becomes
a personal thing, but rather something belonging
to God. Instead of our wanting justice our way,
we should trust God's power and perfect planning
to deal with the matter justly, His Way. This
literally frees us to think about other things,
such as God's love, grace, mercy and His forgiveness
of our own personal sins we committed against
Him.
Attention
Seeking
Some people use past and present unforgiven
events to obtain the attention of other
people. Have you ever heard the old saying
"It's the squeaky wheel that gets the
grease"? Some people have learned that
this is true. They squeak! For some reason,
and I do not understand why this is either,
some unforgiving persons refuse to forgive
because they can still use whatever the
offense was to obtain the sympathy and attention
they crave. To forgive would be to let go
of their victim status. Some might fear
that nobody will listen to them anymore.
When we forgive people, because we have
chosen to follow Jesus, we are not victims
anymore, but rather we are made more than
conquerors in Christ. Attention must be
shifted from what happened, and then be
given to God in submission to His Divine
Will for our lives. Pride must be done away
with, so that the unforgiving person will
humbly admit they are sinful, too. I believe
God's heart is broken whenever someone is
abused, but I also believe that His heart
is broken all the more whenever we reject
what His Son, Jesus Christ, did on the cross
to purchase our forgiveness.
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